There is a saying my mother taught me when I was younger.
"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and Swing!!"
Well, It's not that I've been doing any swinging, but I've been feeling the need lately. Graduation is looming ever closer. I'm starting to realize what people mean when they say I have no idea about what the "real world" is. I've been desparately trying to do homework, and work, and still keep my head above water. I have to admit, I'm having a pretty hard time.
It seems like no matter what I do it just keeps adding up. The papers, reading, figuring out finances, insurance, and all the million other things when I don't have a job lined up after graduation. It's just really frustrating, and maybe it's because people have moved out, and my mom and dad aren't here, but more than anything it just feels lonely. My older sisters graduated from college together and moved into a house with their best friend. They had each other when they were faced with the black wall of graduation. At this point I am leaning towards staying where I am because I think the job field for my degree might be better than down in Texas, but I'm just so frustrated with not knowing.
It's times like this when I wish I knew my future husband. And it's not that I'm out actively looking for a husband right now (heck, I don't even have time for laundry!), but I just think it would be nice to have that partnership, someone in it for the long haul. Someone to hold me when I need to be held, to help make dinner and do the dishes afterward, someone who looks into my eyes and wonders what he did to be so blessed. Someone for me to serve and love, and to look at them and wonder why I have been so blessed. My faith is the most important thing in my life and I know that the family is central to our Heavenly Father's plan for us. And I know that marriage and family takes alot of work, but it also takes and returns a lot of love.
My parents and siblings are all wonderful examples to me of love and respect and service in marriages. I watch them all working in partnership with one another and with the Lord to make their homes safe havens, where love wins out, and everyone works for the better of the family. My parents have been married for over 30 years. When we would catch Mom and Dad kissing in the kitchen, we would run from the room screaming, and Dad would so lovingly remind us that the best gift a father can give his children is to show them that he loves their mother. I have four siblings. All of them are now married, and starting families of their own. It's not that I feel left out of the family, because all of my siblings, and my in-laws are so aware of me, and my feelings, and I know that I am so lucky to be loved by so many people.
Don't worry, it's not like I am going to rush into something that is not right. I know that when the time comes to make that decision, it will be made with a lot of prayer, and trust that the Lord will let me know that I am on the right track. I am just excited, and a little impatient for the day when I can pledge my heart and soul to the man who will love me forever.
I know that the Lord will help me in the coming months, and years, and will help to ease this uncertain time. Sorry if this had seemed like a depressing post, but I just needed to express some things. Putting it all into words has already helped more than you know.
6 comments:
Just keep doing the next most important thing that needs to be done. The days will continue to pass, and eventually you will get where you are going. If it doesn't ALL get done (and it never will), at least the most important stuff did.
The husband and family thing will happen when the time is right. Just keep your eyes open so you'll see it (him) when he comes along. And keep yourself visible so he'll see you too.
Love you lots.
Hey Chama,
I like your mom's saying. I hadn't heard that one before.
You've got a lot on your plate right now. Take it one day at a time!
You are such a great girl, I'm sure your future holds many, many blessings.
Megs, hang on. One day at a time. On task at a time. Slowly, but surely you're getting where you need to be.
It seems like love always comes along when we least expect it. I know beyond a doubt that this will happen for you. I just don't know when. You are precious. I love you!
Hang in there girl, life is rough, but I know you are tough. (I used to think that to myself all the time, and just calling my self "tough" made me feel like I could do anything or go through anything.) I am calling you tough because I know you can make it because you are an amazing person, who is kind and generous, you understand people and you know how to comfort them, you are a person with fabulous goals, and you choose to smile and laugh while you work toward them. You are rare Megan and you’re allowed to feel like life is hard sometimes. (At least I hope so, because if your not, then I am not either, and then I am in Big Trouble). -- I just wanted to tell you why I thing you are GREAT!
I feel you, woman!! I am getting ready for my SECOND college graduation, and I have VERY similar feelings - about the "real world," about the marriage, and wanting Heavenly Father to guide me and trying to trust MYSELF enough to let Him guide me.
Hang in there - We can SOOOOO do this!!
I love you. I agree with you, and your black wall will turn to an amazing vision of your future before you know. I'll pray for you!
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